Ian Love-Jones is an educator, voiceover talent and the current Chaplain at Peninsula #128 in Portland Oregon. He is also author of Three Links Hijinks: An Odd Fellow’s Joke Book.
After a late lodge night, I found myself still awake in the wee hours and thinking of challenging times. I mourned for loved ones who had passed, and sighed about slogging through all of the worldly “business of death” intruding into the aftermath and getting in the way of grieving. Knowing that I am a helper across many spheres, I spent some time fretting over filling the cups of others without fully replenishing what I’d given away. And if those ideas weren’t weighty enough, my mind’s eye widened beyond my daily life to recount a parade of bleak headlines on the global stage, each one a snapshot of how relentless this world can be. As I ruminated, there were moments where I felt powerless to press back the gloom.
I wonder: have I just told you a familiar story? Like me, I’m sure many of you readers and leaders have hardships and worries of your own: anxieties that crop up in the quieter hours when we are all less distracted. Like me, I’m sure many of you share details about life’s challenges with your lodge-family in the spirit of truth, and in order to lighten your load. But maybe you also summarize, curate, and still carry a good deal quietly, not wanting to overwhelm others or to be seen as any persistent source of stress.
After my winding thought-journey in the early hours, I remembered an Odd Fellow’s concept which I will paraphrase here: lighting a candle … not just cursing the darkness. Viewed carelessly, this concept could seem like a taunt similar to “physician heal thyself.” It might seem glib to suggest that anyone already weary in their bones from endurance, should take yet another action rather than simply airing valid complaints.
Please know that lighting a candle rather than simply cursing the darkness isn’t about ignoring challenges, looking down on healthy venting, or creating some self initiated cure-all. Lighting a candle rather than cursing the darkness is a reminder of how important it is to first find some hope, when throwing up our hands would feel far easier. It is an encouragement to do just what we can when the world seems bleak, and we are tired. Lighting a candle and not just cursing the darkness is a lesson: that even small lights when openly shone, can travel far, signal needs or solutions, summon non-judgmental helpers, and inspire others to light their own candles so that we can press back the gloom as a collective.
We can not dissipate all of the world’s gloom alone. We can acknowledge though, that there is power in creating pockets of light, first for ourselves and then spreading to others. We do not light a small candle with the goal of illuminating the entire path and going it alone. We light a candle first because we choose to endure, and second because we understand that a small light is a meaningful start.
Shining a light in the gloom, however small that light may be, lets us identify the stable ground beneath us. Finding the stable ground even for a moment allows us to confidently be still and mend, to strategize, or to find dedicated helpers along the rough road. Regaining some small reassurance and agency in a chaotic world can have the same stabilizing effect as a deep breath after a hard run. Our muscles may still ache and there may be miles to go, but our minds are clearer to consider our pace, our position, and our direction.
The powerful concept of lighting a candle rather than simply cursing the darkness reminds me of the small yet powerful ways that I choose to add to this world during seasons of subtraction. Sharing these thoughts with you is one of those small ways. So, thank you readers and leaders for seeing the light of my candle. Before you leave this page ask yourself, how do you light your own candle, rather than simply cursing the darkness?
