On Being Kind and On Being Nice -By Ian Irving Bacungan, Grand Sire, PHL

Ian Irving Bacungan, Grand Sire, Grand Lodge of the Philippines


There are seasons in the life of an Order when reflection becomes necessary — not because we are failing, but because we care deeply about who we are becoming.

This is one of those seasons.

Today, I speak not only as a leader, but as a brother who loves this insitution. A brother who
believes in its mission. A brother who has stood at the altar, felt the weight of the obligation, and understands that what we profess is not ceremonial — it is sacred.

We must confront an important truth:

There is a difference between being nice and being kind.

Many of us were raised to believe that being good means being agreeable. We were taught to avoid conflict, to keep the peace, to smile even when something feels wrong. Those insincts often come from a sincere place. We do not want division. We do not want tension. We want unity.

But unity built on silence is fragile.

Being nice often means avoiding discomfort. It means choosing quiet over correction. It means tolerating actions that weaken discipline because we do not want to appear strict. It means absorbing what is wrong so no one feels uneasy.

But kindness is deeper.

Kindness asks:
What will help this brother or sister grow?
What will protect the dignity of our Order?

Kindness is willing to endure temporary discomfort to preserve long-term integrity.

And our Rituals confirm this.

When we stood at the altar during our Initiatory Degree, we pledged — with our hand upon our heart — that we would fight against the evil within ourselves and strive to live according to the principles of the Order.

That was not poetic language.

It was a battle cry.

We did not promise to tolerate evil.
We did not promise to overlook wrong.
We did not promise to protect comfort.

We promised to fight — beginning with ourselves.

In that same degree, we were blindfolded and placed in chains. And we were told to free
ourselves.

No brother or sister could remove those chains for us.

The Order can show us the light.
The Order can teach us the way.
But we must remove the chains ourselves.

Brothers and Sisters, if we refuse to correct what weakens us — personally or institutionally — then we are choosing to remain chained.

And if leaders refuse to shine the light because they fear being misunderstood, then they are dimming the very light they swore to uphold.

Leadership must be kind, not merely nice.

To our Grand Lodge Officers, District Officers, and Lodge Officers:

You carry more than titles.
You carry influence.

Your silence shapes culture.
Your courage shapes character.

If you overlook misconduct to preserve harmony, you may keep temporary peace — but you
weaken long-term integrity. Our Rituals do not teach us to protect feelings at the expense of principles.


In the Degree of Friendship, we witnessed Jonathan risk everything to warn David.

That was not convenient.
That was not comfortable.

It was covenantal loyalty.

Friendship in our Order is not flaRery. It is protection. It is warning. It is standing beside a
brother or sister not only when they succeed — but when they are about to fall.

If we call ourselves true friends yet remain silent when correction is needed, we are not
practicing Friendship. We are practicing avoidance.

In the Degree of Love, we saw the Samaritan stop when others passed by.

He did not calculate inconvenience.
He did not protect his own comfort.
He acted.

Love binds wounds.
Love steps in.
Love takes responsibility.

But love also protects the community from what causes wounds.

Love that never corrects is not love.
It is neglect.

And then comes the Degree of Truth.

There, we pledge loyalty to the Order, defense of its reputa<on, sincerity in thought, word, and action. We are reminded that the Balance and the Sword symbolize justice without respect of persons.

Without respect of persons.

That means standards apply equally to every brother and sister.
That means we do not excuse wrong because someone is close to us.
That means we do not soften discipline because someone is influential.

Truth demands courage.
Truth requires consistency.

Without Truth, friendship becomes favoritism.
Without Truth, love becomes sentimental.
Without Truth, leadership loses credibility.

We also speak of Compassion and Justice.

Compassion reminds us that every brother and sister is human. We all stumble. Compassion
calls us to correct with dignity, never humiliation.

Justice reminds us that membership is a responsibility. It protects fairness. It ensures that
standards apply equally. It safeguards the integrity of the whole.

Compassion without Justice becomes weakness.
Justice without Compassion becomes cruelty.

But when they walk together, accountability becomes healing.

To our Officers:

Leadership is not measured by how many brothers and sisters praise you. It is measured by how faithfully you protect the principles entrusted to you.

Sometimes you will be misunderstood.
Sometimes firmness will be mistaken for harshness.
Sometimes correction will cost you approval.

But popularity is temporary. Integrity is lasting.

You once placed your hand upon the Holy Book and pledged your sacred honor. Be faithful to that pledge.

To our Members:

When correction comes, do not see it as rejection. See it as refinement.

You promised to fight the evil within yourself.
You promised to serve faithfully.
You promised to uphold Friendship, Love, and Truth.

Accountability is not humiliation.
It is alignment with your vow.

Remember the coffin we saw in the Initiatory Degree. Remember the Hourglass in the Degree of Truth.

Our time is short.

We do not have endless years to drift.
We do not have endless opportunities to correct decline.

What shame or honor one brother or sister carries extends to the entire Order.

We are not isolated individuals.

We are links in a chain.

If one link weakens, the chain feels it.

My dear Brothers and Sisters, let us not confuse comfort with unity. Let us not confuse silence with peace. Let us not confuse approval with leadership.

True unity is built on shared commitment to principles.
True peace is built on integrity.
True leadership is built on courage.

Let our Friendship be brave enough to warn.
Let our Love be strong enough to discipline.
Let our Truth be clear enough to correct.
Let our Compassion be gentle.
Let our Justice be firm and fair.

We swore these things.

Now let us live them — not timidly, not selectively, but wholeheartedly.

For the honor of the Order.

Want to more about the Odd Fellows? Ask Me I May Know!

Visit our Facebook page: Heart In Hand

Enter your email address to subscribe to this blog and receive notifications of new posts by email.

Leave a comment