The Family We Choose
I’ve always had a fascination with “chosen family” — folks that we don’t have to be related to, to feel safe with, supported by, and (happily) committed to. In my 41 years of life, I’ve been gifted with many great teachers, nurturers, close friends, defenders, and general kindred spirits. Many of them continue to show up for me, consistently, and none of them are people that I am related to. They are all people I simply met along the way.
I suspect that many of us who are involved in fraternalism have had similar life journeys, and a similar sense of wonder at the way that chosen family can connect and support one another across settings, stations, and demographics of all kinds. That type of surprising, yet steadfast connection was one of many things that first drew me to Odd Fellowship.
For me, the real difference between being related, and being chosen family, is in that action of choice.
Being related is passive because while we know in our minds that we have common ground, that common ground may have limited meaning in our hearts.
When we choose to make family out of someone else however, we demonstrate that we see worthiness in one another. We actively celebrate our connection (even as it evolves), and we choose to show up for one another because we value that connection so much. Please don’t think that only strangers can be chosen family, we can choose the people who are related to us as well. It is possible to turn something passive, into something active, vibrant and intentional.
One more beautiful thing about chosen family is that they often give us the strength, balance, and unique insight that we need to show up for those we would not normally choose. It is one thing to be present and supportive for those that you find admirable right away. It is an even greater gift however, to connect with, nurture and nourish those that we find odd, or do not fully understand.
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