Odd Fellows Fight A Fire
In a blink of an eye the Acme Chicken Grease Company exploded into massive flames. The alarm went out to all the fire departments for miles around. When the fire fighters appeared on the scene, the chicken grease company president rushed to the fireman in charge and said, “All our secret formulas are in the vault in the center of the plant. They must be saved. I will give $100,000 dollars to the fire department that brings them out intact.”
But the roaring flames held the fire-fighters off. Soon more fire departments had to be called in as the situation became desperate. As the firemen arrived, the president shouted out that the offer was now $200,000 dollars to the fire station who could bring out the company’s secret files. But still the fire fighters could not get through.
From the distance, a lone siren was heard as another fire truck came into sight. It was the nearby rural Odd Fellows Volunteer Fire Brigade, composed of members dedicated to relieving the distressed. To everyone’s amazement, that little run-down fire engine roared right past all the newer sleek engines that were parked outside the plant. Without even slowing down it drove straight into the middle of the inferno!
Outside, the other firemen watched as the Odd Fellows jumped off right in the middle of the fire and fought it back on all sides. It was a performance and effort never seen before. Within a short time, the Odd Fellows had extinguished the fire and had saved the secret formulas. The grateful chicken grease company president announced that for such a superhuman feat he was upping the reward to $500,000 dollars and walked over to personally thank each of the brave Odd Fellow fire fighters.
The local TV station caught the thank you on film and asked the Noble Grand, “What are you going to do with all that money?”
“Well,” said the Noble Grand, “the first thing we’re gonna do is fix the brakes on that damned fire truck.”
The Odd Fellow and the Barber
An Odd Fellow went to a barber’s shop for a shave. The barber asked him to put a small wooden ball in his mouth so he could get a closer shave around his cheeks.
The Odd Fellow asked: “But what if I swallow the ball?”
The barber replied: “No problem sir, you just bring it back tomorrow like everybody else.”
An Odd Fellow Walks Into A Bar Looking Mad
The bartender asks, “What’s the matter?”
The Odd Fellow replies, “Well I’ve got these two horses and I can’t tell them apart. I don’t know if I’m mixing up riding times or even feeding them the right foods.”
The bartender suggests, “Why don’t you try shaving the tail of one of the horses?”
The Odd Fellow says, “That sounds like a good idea, I think I’ll try it.”
A few months later, he returns to the bar in worse condition. “I shaved the tail of one of the horses, but it grew back and I can’t tell them apart again!”
The bartender says, “Why don’t you try shaving the mane?”
A few months later the Odd Fellow is back. “I shaved the mane of one of the horses, but it grew back!”
The bartender yells, “Just measure the damn horses. Perhaps one is slightly taller that the other one!” The Odd Fellow storms out of the bar.
The next day, the Odd Fellow runs into the bar. “It worked, it worked!” he exclaims. “I measured the horses, and the black one is two inches taller than the white one!”
Heart in Hand 